The "S" word

How much do you curse and why?

I don’t curse. Only rarely does one profanity slip out accidentally—I keep a firm filter on my words. My journey with profanity has been a long one with many winding twists and turns as my environment, personal beliefs, and the ideas around me evolved throughout my life, but I strongly believe my position now is where I will reside for the rest of my existence.

Growing up in a Christian household, I never swore. The school and church environments that I was placed in allowed me to be surrounded by people my age with similar beliefs and values, so until the age of ten I would sustain the belief that “stupid” was defamation, and comparing a fellow classmate to any mildly-negative word was the highest atrocity possible—I was once sent to the principal’s office for calling my friend that “i”-word in a moment of heated weakness.

In my middle school years, I received unrestricted access to the internet and sustained a majority of my education and learning through online forums and communities, consisting mostly of old teenagers. Of course, with the exposure to new people came with the exposure to new and “unique” forms of language. I went from knowing to being exposed to every combination of words possible. Because of my daily interaction with these types of people, I began to swear online. I would never do it in person, of course, as it would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I convinced myself that swearing online was different, as less impactful as saying it orally. 

My first year at Uni, it was the first environment where the people around me would curse left and right. I was a little thrown off by it at first, but because of my daily exposure to this new school environment, naturally I adapted to it and started cursing as well. In fact, I might have even overcompensated by swearing much more than my classmates. In my freshman and sophomore year, I probably cursed once in every sentence. It became such second nature to me that I didn’t care anymore.

The summer before my Junior year, I spent one month in Boston for a summer program. There, I met the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met in my life. After two days of interacting with them I realized how much my language use made me stand out among the crowd. I felt out of place every time I swore, as it wasn’t something casual and something that would fit in easily anymore—it was vulgar and “unlike me”, according to my peers. Throughout the course of that month, the program would have such a big impact on me that I formed lifelong bonds with my close friends there. Being with them for a month influenced me to be a kinder and better person to those around me. I quit swearing—partly because of my new commitment to my personal life-philosophy, and also to keep a part of them with me after returning home.

Now, I look upon this story and I’m satisfied with where I am. I don’t plan on cursing again. Originally, I believed you would become your environment—when I started high school, the environment influenced me to start swearing. However, I’m still in the same environment as I was before. Some of my classmates and friends still swear like sailors. The difference is now I understand my environment doesn’t have the power to govern who I am and my actions. With a determined internal belief, I follow my personal beliefs much more strongly now, and now it’s become a part of my identity.