Wake Up To Reality

 What are you afraid of?

Wake Up To Reality

Most readers of this personal essay will relate to this scenario—as a child, teachers told your parents that you were “above average” in some sort of way, put into special programs, and told you were “destined for success.” Following this comes a sort of indomitable self-confidence, a belief that you could pull off anything. You rarely experience failure to the point where on the rare occasion you do it becomes a devastating blow. You build a work ethic much later than everyone else, only until the difficulty level has caught up to you. Nonetheless, this ambition, whether intrinsic or extrinsic, is something I’ve witnessed in both myself and countless other people who have had a similar upbringing. Of course, the deluded don’t know they live in a delusion, and for years I have firmly believed I would inherit a wealthy successful future, simply because of my callow ambition. 

My north star has always been to achieve my personal definition of success: Financial freedom, loving relationships, and intellectual stimulation. To me, working for 40 years slowly saving up for retirement simply being comfortable was a nightmare to me. I wanted to experience life to the fullest, travel, explore the world, and try new things. And I would do anything to make it happen. However, throughout the past few years I’ve met people much older than me who grew up with the same ambition. They had displayed extreme potential at a young age, went to a prestigious university, graduated top of their class, and did everything right. However, when I asked them why they gave up on their dreams, they told me that they had simply grown out of it. They might have tried to pursue it at first, but upon successive failures they had found a nice-paying job, found someone special, started a family, and lived comfortably since. Upon this discovery, one thought coursed through my mind: Could this happen to me? I wanted anything but to live a normal life. I only get one shot at it and I want to do as much as I can. Yet, these people who likely had even more ambition and the talent than I ever would had traded their dreams for the comfort and safety of stable living. 

As a kid, I’ve always thought if I worked hard enough towards one thing I would achieve it. As I grow older, I realize how few people really make it despite the ocean of aspirants I’m part of. And so comes the fear—What if I don’t have what it takes? What if I fail? What if I decide to settle on the one thing that decides the course of the rest of my life? My greatest fear is that in forty-years, I look back upon my youthful days and think “Wow, how naive was he to dream big.” My intense desire to be “special”, to be my own person, would fail miserably. 

While I am no longer shrouded by delusion of my guaranteed future success, I am now even more motivated to make it happen. Ivy Bronx John Treacy once said “Fear is a great motivator,” and I plan to use it to achieve what I want most in life. Nonetheless, a thought still does provoke me—what if I am still naive? What if there is something I have yet to experience that would make me willingly decide to shift my priorities? I had assumed the people I had met were unhappy with their stable lives, but I could be wrong. Perhaps living life to the fullest didn’t mean constant traveling and exploration. Perhaps it meant spending time with your friends. Perhaps it meant coming home to a loving wife and kids every day. Perhaps it meant weekly hangouts at the bar with your best friends. I accept that my idea of my dream life can shift in the future. I just hope that on my deathbed, I won’t have lived a life full of regret.